Allie began to worry that her partner was a fetishist, dehumanizing trans women as sexual objects-what’s known in the LGBTQ community as a “chaser.” But her commitment to that alliance began to disrupt her understanding of her partner’s sexuality. Allie has many trans friends, and considers herself an ally. Sometimes, it’s a matter of misguided advocacy.Īllie, a 31-year-old cisgender woman in London, was in an open relationship when she learned her boyfriend was attracted to trans women. Owen’s story is the most typical example of this rejection, and perhaps the most damaging, but the stigma against trans amory is much more complex than that story alone.The rejection doesn’t always come in the form of transphobia. Their reasons for hiding may seem obvious, a blend of homophobia and a fear of being stripped of their masculinity. In July, though, an interview I conducted with four straight guys inspired many such men to speak up, across the internet, onto countless social media timelines, and in emails to me. I’ve reported on this for years, but the coverage rarely draws these men out of hiding. Owen is one of countless men who are attracted to trans women but are too afraid to say so publicly. If found out again, he’s afraid he’d be ostracized completely, “scarlet letter style.” The trauma of being shamed by his ex has marked him with paranoia. He doesn’t really know where to meet trans women, and if his next girlfriend is a cis woman, he expects to keep this secret from her.
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He’d love to have a healthy, public relationship with a trans woman.
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“It just made me desire trans women more,” Owen said. “I unfollowed all the trans girls on Instagram and Twitter.” He stopped watching trans porn, too.īut abstinence was ineffective.
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“I immediately tried to change, six plus years of loving myself,” he said. But the shame he received from his girlfriend made him question himself. Owen lives in Upstate New York, and was taught to respect trans people from an early age, he said. Though she didn’t say, Owen knows why: “What did my attraction to trans women have to do with my attraction to her, a cis woman?”